gay pinoy

Filipino Actor Coco Martin who played a gay character in the Independent Film Daybreak. (Photo from

While gay Pinoys are essentially the same as any other gays, dating one can be a bit trickier mainly because of the conservative society we live in which helps explain why not all of us are out of the closet. So, if you plan on or are dating a Filipino, you may need to arm yourself with some knowledge on what to expect and how to do things right. Below are just some of the things that set the gay Pinoys apart:

1.  It may start with sex.

gay pinoy 2

Paolo Rivero and Coco Martin in the movie Daybreak at

Let’s not be hypocrites here. Sexual compatibility is very important for everyone in the community. You may meet at a bar, the gym, or a stage play, but the real dating—that special mutual feeling towards each other— begins after you get under the sheets. Gay Pinoys rarely get the chance to go and fool around, so we see the act as a crucial ingredient in having a successful relationship.

2.  You split the bill.

I don’t know any gay friend who does not at least have a part-time job. Proving our own worth, for us, defines who we are. We get good jobs and make sure we retain them by working extra-harder than the rest. So, unless you have an understanding that everything will be your treat, do not hurt your date’s pride and hog the bill; he can handle it just the same.

3.  The stomach is the way to our hearts.

filipino cuisine

Philippine cuisine at

No matter how cliché the statement sounds, it is true to all Filipinos in general. If you know of or how to cook a good Filipino—a.k.a. salty and sweet—cuisine or two, make sure to make him taste it. We date with the end goal of settling down with the guy we are with, and a partner who cooks well promises a good domestic life in the future.

4.  We are unbelievably romantic.

The very reason why a lot of foreigners are marrying Filipinas is also present within every gay Pinoy. We tend to become really affectionate and sweet to someone we care about. We like giving surprises and making our partners’ hearts melt every day. Just don’t expect us to do these in public; not everyone is ready for such a feat.

5.   We can be clingy lovers.

And this is mostly a bad thing. Even in the middle of a work day, your date may send a random text message, asking what you ate for breakfast or lunch. While this can be utterly annoying, it just goes to show that he thinks about you all the time. Making him understand that you don’t need to text every hour may not be that difficult, though.

6.  Be careful in taking him to new places.

Many of us are shy, if not really careful. If your date is not out, you should share the same caution. He may not tell you about his hesitation in going to new places, but you can simply imagine how anxious he may become. Making your date uncomfortable is the last thing you would want to happen.

7.   A lot of us do not fit the stereotype perfectly.

While there may be one point in time where Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” touched all our hearts, not every gay Pinoy loves her. The same as not everyone looks forward to going wild at a bar or appreciates a perfect cup of sumiyaki. Get to know your date, and start exploring from there.

8.   The home is sacred.

Most gay Pinoys stay with their parents, no matter how financially independent we are. If this is your case, you should not expect him to take you home anytime soon. If you are comfortable offering your house for your intimate evenings, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to visit. It’s not that he is ashamed of you. It’s just one way of respecting our families.

9.   Meeting the family is the Holy Grail.

pinoy family

Filipino family from the movie “Sa’yo Lamang” at

Just as the home is a sacred place to us, your meeting with the family of your Filipino date is a big deal. It may mean that he is already certain that he will spend the rest of his life with you. All children want to show their parents that they have their lives figured out, but there is a bit more to gay Pinoys. It also means that he is ready to introduce you to the whole barangay and that he is willing to stomach whatever the neighbors have to say. If you’ve been invited to such a meeting, you may have a lot of thinking to do.

10.   Public displays of affection are a ‘no no.’

hand holding

Photo by Nghi Pham in Northwest Asian Weekly

The Philippines is a very conservative country, the vast majority of whom are Roman Catholic. However, unlike some Catholic countries such as Italy and Spain, the sight of even straight couples kissing in public is met with murmurs of disapproval and disgruntled remarks. What more if it were a gay couple who were lip-locked where people could see? No one would want to be in such a situation, so better reserve the sugar for when you are already in private with him.

These are just the foremost things you need to know about having a Filipino lover. No matter how open or out we may be, we cannot help but let our traditional culture affect the way we handle our relationships. But then again, I’m pretty sure that these very things make dating a sun-kissed gay in the Philippines quite a memorable experience for anyone.

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